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a kind of a tricky joke?

Exactly. So? Any guesses?..

...Surrended....

It has 2 syllables but one vowel. So don't believe teachers in the first class who claim that the number of syllables in a word is equal to the number of vowels.
Dirty liars...

Black_Lynx
So what vowel pencil doesn't have - E or I?

'I'. It sounds "pensl". And 'L' is... короче, слогообразующая согласная

Check http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pencil. It has a different opinion on pronunciation.
Also, you should have mentioned that you were speaking about sounds (or phonetics aspect), not letters/

Good English-speaking. Appreciate it.
Why not discussing engish poetry instead?

What shall we begin with?

whisk, more classical phonetics tends to 1-vowel variant

As for poetry, I respect Blake most of all.

Sign in a restaurant: "In God we trust. All others cash".

Дэсилия
and some more boyans

D.BELL, B.BELL: "KEEP SMILING"
/fragments/

*** PLAY UPON WORDS ***
1. Diner: Do you serve crabs here?
Waiter: We serve anyone - sit down.
2. - I went to a hotel for a change and a rest.
- Did you get it?
- The bellboy got the change and the hotel got the rest.
3. One day a painter, looking out of the window, saw an old countryman going by
and thought the man would make a good subject for a picture. So he send out his
servant to tell the old man that his master would like to paint him. The old
man hesitated and asked what the painter would pay him.
The painter said he would give him a pound. The man still hesitated. "Come on,"
said the painter, "it's an easy way to earn a pound." "Oh, I know that," he
answered. "I was only wondering how I should
get the paint off afterwards."
4. She: You see, darling, this hat costs only twenty dollars. Good buy. He:
Yes, good bye twenty dollars.
5. - It's raining cats and dogs.
- Yes, I just stepped into a poodle.

*** IDIOMS IN JOKES ***
1. - Believe me, I pick my friends.
- Yes, to pieces.

*** THOUGHTS ***
1. It's a wise wife who knows when to overlook and when to oversee.
2. Women take to good-hearted men. Also from.
3. No matter how busy people are, they are never too busy to stop and talk
about how busy they are.

*** UNIVERSAL LAWS OF LIFE ***
1. You can't save face if you lose your head.
2. There are only two ways to avoid alimony: either you stay single or stay
married. Alimony is the high cost of leaving.

*** DEFT DEFINITION OR... DAFFYNITION? ***
1. Life has been depicted as a tree, the tree of life, and man is the sap
running through it.
2. Life is like a shower - one wrong turn and you are in hot water.
3. Teenage: the time when girl makes up her face more easily than her mind.

*** RIDDLES AND CONUNDRUMS ***
1. "Which takes less time to get ready for a trip, an elephant or a rooster?"
"A rooster - he only takes his comb."
2. "What did the hotel manager say to the elephant who couldn't pay his bill?"
"Pack your trunk and clear out!"
3. "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pound note."
"Go shopping. The change will do you good."
4. "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a spoon."
"Sit down and don't stir."
5. "What's the definition of archaeologist?"
"A man whose career is in ruins."

*** ASK ME ANOTHER ***
1. If the world is round, how can we travel to the four corners of it?"

*** BATTY BOOKS ***
1. "How to make money" by B.Keeper.
2. "Easy money" by Robin Banks.
3. "Long walk" by Miss D.Bus.
4. "How to loose weight" by X.R.Sizemore.
5. "Love and marriage" by Dee Vorce.

*** HUMOR AND REALIA ***
1. Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's tree, but also
admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father did not punish him?
Sheldon: Because George still had the hatchet in his hand.

*** ADVERTISEMENTS AND SIGNS ***
1. Sign in a bookstore: SATAN HATES US BECAUSE OF OUR LOW PRICES ON BIBLES.
2. An electrical dealer who sells washing machines has the following sign on
his window: DON'T KILL YOUR WIFE. LET OUR WASHING MACHINE DO THE DIRTY WORK.

*** DRIVE-SAFE SIGNS AND PREVENTION-OF-ACCIDENTS SIGNS ***
1. Check your brakes and your brakes will check you.
2. The driver is safer when the road is dry. The road is safer when the driver
is dry.
3. Do you love your children? So do we - drive slowly.
4. This is God's country. Don't drive through it like hell.
5. Don't smoke in bed. The next ashes that fall on the floor may be your own.

*** GRIM HUMOR ***
1. Then there was the model who sat on a bottle and cut a good figure.
2. The cannibal entered the dining-room aboard the luxury ocean liner.
"Would you care for the menu?" "No, just bring me the passenger list".

*** TOASTS ***
1. Drink to the man who keeps his head, though he loses his heart.
2. To the land we love and the love we land.

*** EPITAPHS ***
1. In the cemetery at Middlebury, Vermont, is a stone, erected by a widow to
her loving husband, with the following words: "Rest in peace
- until we meet."

*** QUOTING THE FAMOUS ***
1. "My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me"
(Benjamin Franklin)
2. "An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more
than he knows."
(Adlai Stevenson)
3. "When you are down and out, something always turns up - and it is usually
the noses of your friends."
(Orson Welles)
4. "Better slip with foot than with tongue."
(Benjamin Franklin)
5. "If you wonder which is the stronger sex, watch which one twists the other
around her little finger."
(James Thurber)

*** THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID ***
1. "Remember, it was a storm like this the night you declared your love to me."
"Yes, it was a terrible night."
2. "Darling, you look wonderful! What happened?"
3. "Doctor, I often feel like killing myself. What shall I do?"
"Leave it to me."
4. The headmaster of a local school received the following note:
"Dear Teacher, please excuse John for being late. His uncle died
last night and we had a hard time waking him up this morning."

*** PLAY UPON PHRASES AND THEIR WORD COMPONENTS ***
1. Old gentleman: Does your watch tell the time?
Youngster: No, sir. You have to look at it.
2. Mamma: Where have you been, Johnny?
Johnny: Playing ball.
Mamma (severely): But I told you to beat the rug, didn't I?
Johnny: No, ma'am. You told me to hang the rug on the line and beat it.
*** PLAY UPON GRAMMATICAL AND PHONETIC STRUCTURES ***
1. Mother: Jimmie, run over and see how old Mrs.Smith is this morning.
Jimmie (returning): She said to tell you it was none of your business.
Mother: Why Jimmie, what in the world did you ask her?
Jimmie: Just what you told me to. I said you wanted to know how old she was.
2. A lady has just bought a postage stamp.
- Must I stick it on myself?
- Positively not, madam. It will accomplish more if you stick it on the
envelope.
3. - Waiter!
- Yes, sir.
- What's this?
- It's bean soup, sir.
- No matter what it's been. What's it now?
4. - Is a chicken big enough to eat when it's two weeks old?
- Of course not!
- Then how does it manage to live?
5. - Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger?
- No, but I've seen a man eating herring.
6. - And while we were hunting wild animals we saw a man-eating tiger.
- Well, some people will eat anything.
7. - In this place you can eat dirt-cheap.
- But who wants to eat dirt?

whisk
and one more

Son: "What is a debtor, Pa?"
Papa: "A man who owes money".
Son: "And what is a creditor?"
Papa: "A man who think he is going to get it".

Hello, everybody! How nice to recall our special section of OSTUDENT! Join the Joyride!

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"
They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"
He replies, "OK, let's check!"
He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"
The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I coma one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi.'

A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.
As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.
"I'll give you a lift."
The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."
The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."

A young hillbilly and his new bride wanted desperately to start a family, but they didn't know what they had to do to have children. So they decided to visit a doctor.
With a great deal of embarrassment, the young man explained their situation. The doctor took out his charts and books for adolescents and carefully explained the birds and the bees. The two looked bewilderedly at each other, then at the doctor. The doctor attempted to explain in various ways and terms the ins and outs of human reproduction. The same result.
Finally, exasperated, the doctor laid the bride on the examination table, removed all her clothing, and had intercourse with her (Tsk, tsk, tsk!) He then turned to the young hillbilly and asked, "Now do you understand?"
"Yes, doctor," the hillbilly responded, "but just one question."
Slapping his forehead in total disbelief, the doctor squawked, "Yes, what is it now?"
"How often do I have to bring her in?"

Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning home from work, Brittany was shocked to find her house had been ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Brittany ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!"

Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five O' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinessis -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

Well, the topic fell to oblivion..

Does anyone know anything about CAE & CPE examinations? How much different are they?

Black_Lynx
...have no idea...

...have no time to chat...Sorry!

No idea.

Seems to be like that

Let's talk about musical directions, for example. It's a good theme for our discussion, I think.

Ok )) What's your favourite?

Post-Grunge / Hard Rock, Idustrial and the same time classical music.
But it is not so important since I'd like to discuss the subject of commerce in music.

(what's the fuck with my English? I need more pratice)

to be continued...